Here’s a true story for you.. Then let’s have a discussion….
I was eating a burrito in a Mexican restaurant in the Pilsen neighborhood last night around 11pm. Delicious! Pollo con aguacate, crema, queso, arroz, frijoles, mmmmmm mmmm mmmm! The entire time this older gentleman was watching me eat and smiling. Just very sincere. Nothing creepy or anything that phased me.
I like smiles and I like to smile, so I smile back. It continues for about 15 minutes. This quiet conversation in our heads to one another ensues….
He gets up and we kind of just say “good bye, nice to meet you”, but with our eyes and facial expressions. Then he leaves and pays his bill for him and his familia, and out the door he goes.
Waitress comes over, and in broken english and a confused look on her face, hands us our meal tab and says, “gentleman paid. he paid your bill” — i say “huh? porque porque??”, she says ” I dunno, dunno.” –
I look at the tab “God Bless You. John 3:16. John 6:37. God is Love.”
Now this is probably the 20th time a stranger has paid my bill at a restaurant or paid my bar tab without ever talking to me! The second time a man has given me money after 10pm in a mexican restaurant. The 1,000th time a stranger has been evangelistic towards me. I love a free meal. I love free beer, and who doesn’t love free money? Plus -if I don’t know how to explain in Spanish that it is unnecessary to hand a stranger a $5 bill… I’ve got to accept it right?
But it makes me think…. there is no way these things would happen to me so often if I did not have a disability. Even though my stunning good looks has got to be responsible for at least 1/5th of the occurrences. Well, that’s what my momma tells me.
Tell me YOUR stories. Let’s not make this a religious discussion, but a discussion of funny, inspiring, interesting, random things that have happened to you!
I love this story. I haven’t been on the receiving end of such generosity, but I can tell you why I give. First, I don’t leave scripture references. For me it is either ‘paying it forward’ or making amends. I live on a small fixed income; there’s rarely any ‘extra’. But there are times when I feel I need to pay it forward, to be generous because it’s the right thing for me to do at the time. And I guess it is connected to making amends. There are wrongs I committed during the active times of my ‘disease’ for which I cannot make a direct amends. The people are gone, or untraceable, or whatever. But to keep myself in balance with the Universe I need to do something good for someone.
I cannot explain why you are the recipient of so much kindness. But I can say it may be less about you and more about the people who give. That’s my two cents. Thanks for asking.
It’s always a challenge for me to understand and honor intention as separate from behavior. Motivations and intentions often are valid, while behavior can be misguided and produce unintended consequences. I appreciate the intention of loving kindness, of honoring, while I also understand the repercussions of the behavior.
As a large person, I’ve had similar things happen — acts of intended kindness that have reflected a degree of ignorance and aroused negative feelings. On good days, I take it all as a lesson and as part of my purpose on this earth. On bad days, I wanna tear ‘em a new one
One time I went into an empty restaurant by myself-it was basically a greasy spoon across the street from the dorm I was living in at the time-and there was only one waitress working. She couldn’t have been older than 20 and it looked like she’d had a rough day. So I ordered something just the same way I usually did, ate my meal when it was brought, pulled out my wallet and got ready to pay. She comes up with my check and says “You know, you’re the first person who was nice to me all day so your meal’s on me.” I found it sad how just saying please and thank you were becoming such uncommon occurences that by simply saying them I would make such an impression. I decided that not only would I pay my own bill, but I’d leave a five dollar tip. I’d worked in food services before and knew how rude and demanding customers could be so remember that!
I have no disabilities but I care for my 92 year old father who does. When a stranger sees me getting Dad in and out of the car and his wheelchair in and out of the trunk, then rushes over to help, I always accept the help. I can do it myself but the act of kindness touches me. It also makes my day a little easier.
The man who paid for your meal has a kind heart. He paid your check without even waiting for a “thank you.” It made him feel good and, judging from your account, made you feel good, even though you could pay for your own meal. Refusing an act of kindness can embarrass the giver. In most cases, it’s better to accept and make everyone happy.
It is the moral and medical model approach toward disability, and where the person with a disability is viewed as less capable. In the moral model, christian values reinforce charity and doing good to others. Unfortunately those who are disabled are automatically delegated to the category of being the charity. In the medical model, the people with disabilities are viewed as flawed and in need of therapy etc. Unlike when someone pays for the meal of someone in uniform to thank the person for his/her service to the country, paying meals for someone with a disability, in the name of charity is insulting. Yes, a free meal is good, and the person doing the giving is well intended, but it is the social message and implication that the disables need charity that is wrong.
I was getting out of my van one day in the garage and must have gone out on the driveway before going inside. The men who worked in the yard next door came over and handed my mom a $20 bill for me. We thanked them but nicely said they should keep it. It appeared to be a cultural thing; the gentlemen were Hispanic. They probably needed it more than I did, as they were working so hard to make a living. I do not believe this would have happened if I weren’t disabled.
Mary Lee, I believe you are letting your pride get in the way of good intentions. Yes, there are some who feel that the must do charitable things to get into heaven and that’s the only reason they do it, but mostly, people are just trying to help and support. It’s just what’s in their hearts. These people do not mean to insult or demean, they just want to help. When Jim treated his waitress with simple kindness instead of acting negatively to her sour mood, he didn’t do it because he thought she was inferior in any way. He just did it because it came from his heart. He empathized with her, he didn’t pity her. Relax and realize that most people are just being nice. We can sure use more niceness in this world.
What a wonderful story it’s good to know that there are still very nice people out there.
My mother-in-law has been gone almost 30 years but I remember the company picnic we attended in Colorado one summer. She was quadraplegic due to neck injury and was sitting with us in the picnic area enjoying her lunch and a cold beer. Her beer can was off in the side pocket of her wheelchair. A group of folks walked by us with their plates of food and one of them dropped a couple of quarters in her beer can which was still cold and full. An odd gesture but the family all laughed about it and got her another beer.
wow. never ever has happened to me.
I have to agree with Mary Lee on this one. The reason the guy paid for Stevie’s meal is probably because he saw him as a charity case because he is in a wheelchair. I am assuming there were other people in the restaurant and he didn’t pay for any of their meals so why did he pay for Stevie’s – because he pitied him. His intentions might have been good, but they come from the assumption that people in wheelchairs need charity. I am all for helping people in need, but it shouldn’t be assumed that people in wheelchairs need charity.
I think perhaps it may have been a paternalistic approach to you being disabled. I have a hunch that it happens a lot. I have never had anyone stop me on the street and pray over me (I’m not disabled). However, my daughter, who uses a wheelchair, has had people pray over her many many times.
One time a woman tried to get my daughter to stand up and walk by praying over her. She kept saying to my daughter “just try.” To humor the woman, my daughter gripped the wheels of her chair really hard and grimaced. Of course, nothing happened. Then the woman took one of my daughters legs in her hand and when it fell back down to the footplate, the woman said, “Oh, I see what you mean.”
You know how you think of just the right thing to say after it’s all over? Well, my daughter and I joked about how we should have said, “Try really hard, and pray really hard, and then you’ll be able to fly.”
What most people like that don’t realize is that my daughter is happy, beautiful, and perfect just the way she is. She does not need fixing!
As for the guy who paid for your lunch. I guess he meant well. Maybe he’ll read the part about not giving people a fish but teaching them to fish and give you a really good high paying job.
Maybe good luck just follows you around!!! Enjoy and bon apetite
Dude, you rock! I myself am not disabled, but my wife is. We have an ‘06 Dodge Grand Caravan that we bought in order to transport her power wheelchair. I have a lift for it but I haven’t had time to install it, so I am using a set af ramps that I made myself utilizing a set of garden tractor ramps with plywood to cover the openings. Anyhow, this darn ramp is kind of heavy to get in and out of the van, so when I am pulling it out to roll the chair down , I have all kinds of strangers offering to help, I even had an elderly gentleman that could barely walk himself offer to help me, now that brought tears to my eyes.
Being nice just because nice IS nice for both parties. I for no another reason than to bring someone a smile or make their day easier will often practice random acts of kindness to anyone I see struggling able bodied, disabled, elderly or just plain struggling with not enough hands to do what ever it is they are trying to get done in this fast paced world. I do try to ask if someone needs help though as in our overly political times I would hate for my act of thoughtfulness to be taken as thoughtlessness by the receiving party as this would sour the experience for us both and make me think harder before doing it again. It’s nice to be nice and be need more people to just be nice without thought of reward or gratitude – simply because it’s a humanly thing to do !
Being a member of a 12 step group, I often see people (including myself) who need help in one way or another. A few years ago I befriended a newcomer who was struggling emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually. This persons’ children were in another state and desperately wanted them to come and visit for Christmas – but their ex- partner said this person could only see the children if they paid for the air-fare themself. This person was so devastated there was no way they could do it. At the time I had some spare money, so I bought 2 plane tickets in the names of the children and slipped them under the persons door. The joy on the face of that person who had their children beside them at a Christmas Day meeting was incredible. The person never knew who got the plane tickets and I never want that person to know – the thanks I get is seeing that person 5 years later with an incredible life and full custody of those same children!
I have received things like this too. Just this year my oldest boy started school and at the moment we are in financial hardship. I was at the school (just a regular government school) buying my sons uniform and I asked how much the shirts were. When I was told I must of gone pale as I handed over my credit card and asked for just one shirt please. The woman serving me gave me a smile and asked me to wait just one minute. She went out the back and came back out with 2 shirts which to me looked brand new. She gave me back my credit card without charging it, put the shirts in a bag and handed them to me. “Here” she said, “these are second hand, we’ll just be throwing them out – you can have them for nothing.” Tears were running down my face as I thanked her. And let me tell you, there is nothing second hand about these shirts.
Humanity can be a beautiful thing.
This intrigues me because I have a “hidden” disability, but I broke my leg last year and I was in a chair for about 6 weeks (without a obvious cast). I found almost the opposite to be true. People tended to ignore me, especially when I was struggling to push myself… Not to get “religious” but one Sunday I attended a service at a “mega church” by myself. Although there were lots of people in the parking lot before the service and hundreds after the service, not one person came over and offered to help me get my chair in or out of my van. Two people did offer to push me but one of them simply pushed me a short distance and then walked off. It was one of the weirdest experiences… I learned a lot about people in those 6 weeks, and some of it I wish I had never had the opportunity to learn!
One man smiles..another smiles back…one has more challenge in life then the other…no matter what he still smiles. That is all it is…being human sharing and caring.Those of us who wear our challenges on the outside..can be happy ,live life,others hide there selfs and wonder how the disable do it. Im always welling to share and care for others. God Bless.
Stevie~
You have a GIVING purpose in life by promoting 3eLove, so good things are simply blessings that you receive. Good things happen to good people! I have an invisible disability, so only when I’m riding on my Quickie, do I see people going out of their way to hold a door open, or carry a tray etc!! So, I totally understand your feelings & experiences!
What a lucky guy you are Stevie! I think some people just dig to darn deep to find a ‘dark’ reason for peoples random acts of kindness. I know that when I do something nice it’s simply because something in my heart tells me to do it. I don’t do it because the person has a physical disability nor would I do it because of that reason. I have two nieces who are disabled and when I see people doing nice things or going out of their way to help it makes me happy to see that there are still people doing nice things. Because lets be real some people would much rather walk or look away before offering help to anyone… so enjoy it Stevie.
@ Laura Overstreet, I’m not sure what you mean by “It appeared to be a cultural thing; the gentlemen were Hispanic. They probably needed it more than I did, as they were working so hard to make a living. I do not believe this would have happened if I weren’t disabled”.
Instead of mentioning the guys were hispanic you should have considered that perhaps they offered it in good faith. For all you know that hispanic gentlemen that you mention may need the $20 more then you was the owner of that company and only wished to help in some way. BTW– acts of kindness know no race, color or gender. Take my comment for what its worth.
I have slow progressing SCA, so at some point I will be in a wheelchair but am disabled now and my father has been in a wheelchair for about 6 or 7 years now.
I think there are two reasons for disabled people possibly receiving more pay it forwards than able bodied people. One, I wonder how many people have a disabled relative, and they relate in that way. Second, I think able bodied people admire disabled people. I think we represent something they fear and cannot imagine how we do it. We are a strength they can’t imagine they have. I don’t think it’s pity in any way.
I think it was a kind act and shouldn’t be looked at as a charity case. This man could possibly know someone who is disabled and how much money goes into that kind of life…doctors appointments, therapies, adaptive equipment, medications, braces, home modifications, vehicle modifications, etc. He probably felt he wanted to treat you and I think it was very nice of him. The fact he didn’t stick around for a thank you also speaks volumes. I agree with most of the others that caring and sharing and taking care of each other is not a bad thing!!!
I was a kind getsure. What are your thoughts on it? Are you grateful or did you feel that it wasn’t necessary? I have been torn on the help offerd for Mia. I sometimes feel like she will need more later in life so I’m kind of holding back now. She is only 3 and some of the offers for assistance I’ve passed on for now like help from our county or government. She has a waiver that covered nursing services in our home and I’ve kept that up but used the nursing care as little as possible, just enough to keep the Waiver active. We will need it to help when she gets older for lifts, and ramps for our home and cars. I’ve passed on SSI for now, and after months of her doctors urging us to get formula and high calorie pediasure from the WIC program I finally caved (it ended up saving us $200/month!). We’ve had some doors held open and such but not experienced many random acts of kindness yet. I’ve been on the giving end many times. I once kicked a man’s wheelchair battery back in place on the street corner where he was stranded. It was his request that I “kick the chair”, but to any passer by it must have been pretty horrific to see this lady kicking a man’s weelchair.
Hey Steve,
Pilsen is particularly weird that way. My friend (disabled) gets free Horchata and things like that “from God.” I think that Catholic church has something to do with their mentality in Pilsen (very Catholic area). I have had friends and neighbors help with lots of things like carrying crap for me and helping me find my cat.
Hi Steve, thanks for sharing your story. There are certain people in this world that are just plain AWESOME. Now I’d like to share a story with you.
This past September, my ‘newly’ husband and I went to Disney World for our honeymoon. While in Animal Kingdom, we decided to get some food because it began to rain. The place was packed. While sitting outside under some trees, I noticed three men lunch as well. Two of the gentlemen were older(about 50-60)and they had CP. (I am a special education teacher in Burbank, Illinois and I teach junior high to children with multiple disabilities.) So when I saw these two men, I admit, I wanted to say hi or something, although I did not want to interrupt their meal.
All of the sudden, it began to downpour!! Everyone ran under this canape. I immediately ran over to them and asked if I could wheel them under the canape. We ended up talking for over 30 minutes, hugged and wished each other a fun (and dry) trip. It was one of the greatest memories from my honeymoon, besides being there with my husband of course!
you do wonderful work in life. it does not surprise me that something good happened to you. karma… what you put into life is what you get out of it.
I can relate to this story. I have had this happen to me a lot as well. There are some very generous people out there.
I disagree with the people who assume that becasue you are disabled you are viewed as a charity case. Why? Because who do disabled people pick on when they want to commit an act of random kindness? Other disabled people… usually not. Am speaking from personal experience. Recently it was Random Acts of Kindness Day (Sept 3) and all I did was buy a bunch of flowers and decide that the first person who smiled at me was going to receive them. Did I look for a person who was underprivileged…no. DIsabled…no. Just pleasant.